April 30th, 2008 | 
Author: Guy Fieri, the host of Food Network shows including (but not limited to, unfortunatly), “Guy’s Big Bite” and “Diners, Drive-ins, and Dives” is a tool, and I hate him.
I shall present my case in this post, and let me assure you that it is a strong case.
- His sunglasses. When indoors, he wears them backwards on his stupid head (see above illustration).
- His hair. It’s all bleached and spiky like a main character from a Japanese RPG. It makes me physically ill.
- His “jokes”. They aren’t really jokes, they are trite statements of boring cliche that even Jay Leno wouldn’t chuckle at. They are promptly followed by guffaws from Fieri himself and uncomfortable chortles from whoever he’s talking to. “So much salami call my mommy!” Die.
- On “Diners, Drive-ins, and Dives”, Guy will often sample the food at said establishments. He will take an oversized bite with his disgusting pie-hole, pause for a moment to act like he’s some sort of culinary expert, close his eyes while savoring the triple onion burger (or whatever), and then say something like “oh that’s good”. This sequence makes up 90% of the show.
- Guy’s “hip” attitude makes me want to walk outside and punch the first person I see. He wears oversized shorts like a member of the Insane Clown Posse, drives a classic convertible, and says things like “That’s what I’m talkin about!” Kill yourself!
If that isn’t enough to convince you that he deserves the death penalty, check out his Guy-isms at guyfieri.com:
- Check yourself…
- Everybody in the pool!
- My food’s out of bounds…
- This is gonna be money!
- …never too big a bite!
- “Off the hook!” and “Off the HOOK!”
- It’s on like Donkey Kong…
- The real deal Holyfield.
- Laugh 1 (gibbering idiot) and Laugh 2 (slobbering cretin)
I dare you to watch this video clip and not smash your computer screen in twain.
He may be dying of heart disease from all the garbage he’s eating, but that’s just not fast enough.
Shut your mouth!
Tags:
“close his eyes while savoring the triple onion burger (or whatever), and then say something like ‘oh that’s good’.”
Why you gotta be hating on the triple onion burger? Why?
Anyway, he won a contest a couple years ago to host his own show and I guess he still has that one plus more at this point means he caught on.
Regardless of all of this, I pretty much agree with all said points.
The triple onion burger is incidental. I hate him, not the restaurants he visits and the food he eats.
Also, I think he participates in *at least* 3 food network shows.
you dont think I’m cool?
hey Guy, maybe you should read the post again. YOU’RE A TOOL!
I think this writer needs a life. Anyone who can get that bent out of shape over someone he doesn’t even know clearly has never been laid. How can anyone have the time to study someone to a disturbing level and post crap about them? Does he honestly think that Fieri gives a crap what he thinks? Wow life gets tough living in mommy’s basement.
Oh, LOL! Nevermind! Get a load of his picture! Born in 1980? His just a kid. And yes one hell of a geeky kid.
“makes me want to walk outside and punch the first person I see”..
Haha. Mr. gay cardigan sweater boy. I would not advise that. Your glasses would end yo being smashed into your skull and then Guy Fieri would never cause your panties to get into a wad again.
If this degenerate moron brain-sharing freak is the best that Fridays can muster to represent the reputation of a restaurant that I started going to over 30 years ago – to get AWAY FROM FREAKS – they have lost my business and that of my children and my grandchildren. What a rancid looking AND ACTING PUKE!
Go back to the Jay Leno fansite, Anton. You might find some O.J. jokes that an old timer like you can appreciate.
Writer: You’re a douche. Find a hobby. Find a life. The Guyster is a good guy and until you know him, go blow yourself.
What if my hobby is trolling Guy Fieri fans?