October 31st, 2006 | 
Author: When the Internet first came to the Groves house, lo these many years ago, I couldn’t get enough of it (I guess I still can’t). Usenet was a pretty big thing back then: for discussion, not for pirating large files. I was recently trolling through Google groups for some reason and I thought I would look myself up to see if any of my old posts were floating around in Google’s archive. I was horrified and embarrassed by what I found. I thought I would share them with you here, in the style of Something Awful’s Weekend Web.
If you have any respect for me at all right now, please look away, lest you lose it completely.
First up. I’ve been a MST3K fan ever since my family got cable. I was such a big fan that I wrote fanfics. Yes, fanfics. I think I wrote maybe 2 or 3, and one is available for reading in alt.tv.mst3k. Here’s a brief snippet:
“MariO” is my little tag that’s kinda a holdover from my BBS days. The fanfic itself isn’t that bad, as far as fanfics go. It’s short (thankfully) and has some decent jokes. MST3K fanfics were pretty much the “anti-fanfic”, as they usually made fun of those awful Star Trek fanfics of yore and (like mine) spam messages/emails.
Next up, here’s an odd one:
I can’t really remember why I wanted Brady Bunch fanfics, but I guess probably because I wanted to write an MST3K fanfic making fun of a Brady Bunch fanfic. What’s even more interesting is that I wasn’t the only one who wanted them.
Here’s me weighing in on the most important debate of all: Is Star Wars a metaphor for Christianity?
Notice how enthusiastic I was near the end. Yes, I used to post in rec.music.christian about how awesome that new DC Talk album was. Notice the stylized -=MariO=- tag.
Not all these posts are completely embarrassing. Here’s one from my college years in which I turn to alt.comedy for advice on how to start a career in stand-up comedy:
The embarrassing parts: “is there somebody out there i could hook up with to just sorta tell me stuff”. Also: “its…a fantasy of mine to be a comedian”. Talk about creepy. No wonder no one responded to me. I wasn’t discouraged though: 4 or 5 years later and I wind up in this debacle.
Most of these posts made some sort of sense at the time, I suppose, but it’s also crazy to look back on my less mature self. It seems so long ago, but it really wasn’t. It’s almost like watching that movie Butterfly Effect, except no nose bleeds. Also no Robin Hood either.
Tags: personal
Oh my.
M-
You and I clearly disagree on what is and is not embarrassing. Your past posts don’t seem embarrassing at all to me. You want embarrassing, read the next comment.
You’re stand-up was good. You just need to keep at it. I could tell you were nervous, but your content was hilarious. You had good timing and almost all of the jokes were spot on. “Who wants to marry a stroke victim?” classic.
If you want some advice on speaking in public (whether it is comedy or lectures or anything like that), I’ll tell you what really saved me. (I’m not a comedian, but I do presentations to groups of 90 or more somewhat regularly) (more next comment)
Memorize your content. A notecard with a very brief outline is all you need. (I think you did this) I found that once I started doing this, I wasn’t nervous anymore. I walked with the mic, I talked to the crowd, I went off book and rambled a little. If I forgot a point, I’d throw it in later if it made sense, or drop it if it didn’t. I started to think of the audience as a group of my friends. When I was talking, I was talking to them. Those two things turned me from a so-so speaker to a great speaker.
*This story is what I would consider embarrassing:
When I was in 5th grade, I tried to impress some girls by doing a karate kick on the wall. Well, my pants split down the middle, and I happened to be free-balling it that day. So…yup…the twig and berries popped out in front of everyone. I mean everyone, as we were all waiting for the school doors to open. Beat that one!
Darn 1,000 word comment limit!
Well, I’ve never heard anyone *brag* about writing fan fiction, so it also seemed like something that should go in the ‘embarrassing’ column.
And yeah, memorizing is a good idea. Sometimes I would try to do the set without looking at the card, but I would always forget my next joke and get hit with blinding panic. I don’t think comedy or public speaking is the career for me, but I’ll probably do some more comedy in my life–like a hobby you know.