Guy Fieri is a tool
Guy Fieri, the host of Food Network shows including (but not limited to, unfortunatly), “Guy’s Big Bite” and “Diners, Drive-ins, and Dives” is a tool, and I hate him.
I shall present my case in this post, and let me assure you that it is a strong case.
- His sunglasses. When indoors, he wears them backwards on his stupid head (see above illustration).
- His hair. It’s all bleached and spiky like a main character from a Japanese RPG. It makes me physically ill.
- His “jokes”. They aren’t really jokes, they are trite statements of boring cliche that even Jay Leno wouldn’t chuckle at. They are promptly followed by guffaws from Fieri himself and uncomfortable chortles from whoever he’s talking to. “So much salami call my mommy!” Die.
- On “Diners, Drive-ins, and Dives”, Guy will often sample the food at said establishments. He will take an oversized bite with his disgusting pie-hole, pause for a moment to act like he’s some sort of culinary expert, close his eyes while savoring the triple onion burger (or whatever), and then say something like “oh that’s good”. This sequence makes up 90% of the show.
- Guy’s “hip” attitude makes me want to walk outside and punch the first person I see. He wears oversized shorts like a member of the Insane Clown Posse, drives a classic convertible, and says things like “That’s what I’m talkin about!” Kill yourself!
If that isn’t enough to convince you that he deserves the death penalty, check out his Guy-isms at guyfieri.com:
- Check yourself…
- Everybody in the pool!
- My food’s out of bounds…
- This is gonna be money!
- …never too big a bite!
- “Off the hook!” and “Off the HOOK!”
- It’s on like Donkey Kong…
- The real deal Holyfield.
- Laugh 1 (gibbering idiot) and Laugh 2 (slobbering cretin)
I dare you to watch this video clip and not smash your computer screen in twain.
He may be dying of heart disease from all the garbage he’s eating, but that’s just not fast enough.
Shut your mouth!
Tuesday Tube: My Pokemans
Missed the last Tuesday Tube? Head over to the tag search for ‘tuesday tube’ and browse through the archives.
Let me show you my Pokemans videos. This was Sithlet’s idea; don’t blame me!
This video might be slightly racist. It might also turn you gay by watching it.
If the real Bill Cosby rap album is as awesome as this video, I will buy it.
Any scene with comically fake mustaches is fine by my. I DRINK YOUR MILKSHAKE.
Is Blastoise good? I assume so.
What do you get when you cross backyard wrestling and Pokemon? Epic, epic fail.
And finally, this is the famous “epilepsy” sequence from an episode of Pokemon that I guess wasn’t shown in the…HARBL BRJBJBL!&!)#74Jjxjggggggggggg gggggggggggggggggggggggggggg gggggggggggg
Clone Wars
Here is the latest leaked trailer for the upcoming Clone Wars CGI movie.
The plot revolving around Jabba’s son seems a little bizarre, but the movie looks fun.
Best wishes, Mike
A faithful reader of mgroves.com, a long time family friend, Mike “minywheats” is shipping out for Iraq very soon.
On behalf of myself and my family, I wish him the best and thank him for his service.
He has offered to send updates for me to post on mgroves.com, and I will certainly do so if he has the time to write.
Laws of Marketing 1: Leadership
This is the start of a new series of posts here at mgroves.com.
I’ve picked up a book called The 22 Immutable Laws of Marketing by Al Ries & Jack Trout. It’s a shortish book with 22 easy to digest chapters, and I think I can squeeze out 22 even shorter blog posts in summary.
Does this sound boring? We’ll see how far this goes. I might not make it to 22.
Okay, on with the first chapter. If you’re really impatient, you can get a full summary here, but it’s much shorter.
Chapter 1. The Law of Leadership
It’s better to be first than it is to be better.
Who remembers #2? Who was the second man to cross the Atlantic ocean by solo flight? Who was the second man on the moon? You get the picture.
People tend to stick with what they have. This is partly because people are somewhat risk averse and partly because there may be a switching cost involved (which may not even be monetary).
So, because of this law, the “first” brand becomes the “leading” brand, with corresponding shares of sales. This also might lead to brand names becoming generic names for a product category: It’s not paper copying, it’s “Xeroxing”. It’s not facial tissue, it’s Kleenex. It’s not soda, it’s Coke. It’s not plastic wrap, it’s Saran Wrap. Etc.
One important thing to talk about, since this is the first of (maybe) 22 posts: this law isn’t the only law of marketing, because I’m sure you can think of some counterexamples to this first law that are probably covered in the other 21. We’ll see. I haven’t read the whole book yet.
Robo rolled
Speedlinking, April 24th, 2008
Speedlinking is yet another tool of the lazy blogger. Basically I smash together a bunch of interesting links that I collect every so often, and write a sentence or two about them.
This week’s Speedlinking is being brought to you courtesy of the useful Instapaper website, which I’ve been using to temporarily bookmark the below links.
- Jonathan Hoenig writes Entitlement Mentality Is Wrecking Economy.
- OMG Nintendo lists 7 (original) Game Boy games that are obscure/underrated.
- In that same vein, Topless Robot listed the 10 best NES games that no one played.
- Oh, Hugo Chavez! What will you do next? Smells like sulfur.
- Good news about fuel: “green gasoline”. Gas made from trees in 5 or 10 years from now. Also, the largest oil discovery in 30 years.
Venture Brothers: Season 3
Venture Brothers season 3 is coming.
There were some teaser clips shown at Comic Con; you can watch the bootleg footage of it below.
The G.I. Joe parody looks right up the Venture Brothers alley. I’m actually kinda suprised that I haven’t seen a good G.I. Joe parody outside the Fensler Films. It just seems ripe for parody.
They’re together again
If you don’t religiously watch the Cincinnati Reds on Fox Sports Net Ohio like I do, then you probably haven’t seen these ridiculous JTM commercials.
JTM is a company that sells various pre-cooked “meat” products. The last time I had them (admittedly 15+ years ago), I about vomited.
Also in case you don’t follow the Reds, this series of commercials features Chris Welsh (mustache), a former Reds pitcher and current Reds broadcaster along with Bronson Arroyo, the former Red Sox pitcher, current dog of the Reds rotation, and avid musician who plays local concerts for charity.
These commercials are bizarre in multiple ways.
Chris has hinted that more of these commercials will be coming forthwith.
I thought I’d also mention that Chris used to plug JTM products during the broadcast by saying, “Hey meat, looking for something to spice up your BBQ?” or something like that, which I always thought was weird. However, I later learned that “hey meat” is a reference to the movie Bull Durham, a.k.a. the other Costner baseball movie.
MST3K on Google Video update
Someone has been uploading more episodes of MST3K to Google Video recently.
So I thought I’d mention that I’m still updating my list of MST3K episodes online regularly.
If you are looking for a good episode to watch, check out Space Mutiny. It’s an awful science fiction action movie featuring a rock stupid chunk faced hero, his senior citizen love interest, and lots of reused footage from the original Battlestar Galactica.
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