It’s been a crazy Wiikend (last Wii pun ever, I promise). It starts with the PS3 launch. I heard crazy stories about people lined up for days, violence and conflict while waiting in line, and disappointment as PS3 only ships around 260,000, well short of the projected 400,000 that I kept hearing. I’m sitting around acting all smug because I’ve got my guaranteed Wii preorder in at GameCrazy, so I’m just laughing it up at all these suckers standing in line in the cold.

Karma is a brutal mistress.

Strap in for a long, long rambling story of sleep deprivation, doctor visits, awkward uses of the word “Wii”, and vegetable shortening.

I get a call from my good friend and Wii ally Luke Busler on Saturday evening, Wii Launch Eve. Apparently he received a call from GameCrazy saying that they were getting less consoles than expected and that he would be on the “second shipment” of Wiis, due in early December. I never answer my phone, so I checked my voice mail and sure enough, I received the same notification.

That sucks! Luke said that he had checked around at Meijer’s and a couple of other places to see if anyone wasn’t sold out yet. Every place he checked was sold out. After I hung up, I stewed on the couch for a little bit. I walked to go get my preorder paperwork. Then I paced around the house stewing a little more. Disappointment and frustration were taking over my otherwise perservering optimism. I asked Ali, my faithful wife, what to do. She shook her head at me, having a chuckle at my expense, and told me to go look for one, and hey pick up some shortening while you’re out!

So, on a whim, I decided to check out the nearest Wal-mart. It’s a garbage hole, even for Wal-mart, and I never step foot in it if I can avoid it. I figured, this would be a good place to start. I got to the front door. No line of people outside. I went inside. No signs, no Wiis, nothing. I went to the electronics department and managed to flag down an employee. He says to go wait at the OTHER entrance: a Wal-Mart employee was handing out tickets for 29 Wiis total, and she had only given out a dozen or so so far.

Bingo! Pay dirt! Voila! I would soon have a Wii ticket. Now all I had to do was come back before 7am (when they open) to purchase the Wii. Things were looking up, I would have my Wii after all! I called Luke to let him know that there were Wiis ripe for the taking if he would make the trek down to my side of town. Before I could finish putting my cell phone back in my pocket, Luke pulled up in his car and sat down with me. “I was driving about 80,” he said. I laughed, but it wasn’t a joke.

I received the Wii ticket with little fanfare. A Wal-mart employee came out and gave tickets to me, Luke, and a couple of others. I called Ali and told her I had a ticket, and that the Wii would soon be mine! “That’s great, Matt. Don’t forget to pick up the shortening.” I drove next door to Kroger’s and picked up the shortening. She was making a cake or something.

Luke and I decided that we would not just sit there for 7 hours when there was no real “line” to wait in. I told him I would come back at 4am, he said 5am was a good time. I brought the shortening home to Ali, and announced my intentions. I did not go to sleep. It would only be 4 or 5 hours from now, what’s the point of sleeping and taking a chance of waking up late? I played around with my laptop, watched some DVR, and drank a lot of caffeine. 4am came quickly, and I quickly drove to Wal-mart.

Once I arrived, I surveyed the entrance and saw a few people hanging around. I decided to stay in my warm car and listen to XM for a while. A few more people trickled in, and at 5am, I decided to go stand in the cold. All those people I had laughed at and mocked, and now I’m one of them. I stand in the cold, ready to pass out from exhaustion.

Someone I talked to earlier said that Wal-mart did not receive as many Wiis as they expected to. He asked me what number I was. I said “19″, without looking in my wallet. He chuckled at me and said, “they only have 18, man!” I quickly looked in my wallet to verify, but lady fortune smiled upon me, for Luke & I were #15 and #16. Just made it!

We all stood in line in the cold for what seemed like days. We made small talk about the Michigan-OSU game. We listened to some toolbox make outlandish claims about being an X-Box beta tester, having patents on several controllers, and generally acting like an excited fanboy, even though he looked like a 35 year old accountant and father of 3.

Tension filled the air as more and more people pulled into the parking lot, excited to get in line and wait for a Wii. Pain washed over their faces as I asked them, “What number are you?” The only answer I ever got was, “Number? What number?”

“Oh, you weren’t here last night? Hit the road, heathen! This line is for the hardcore only! You think you can just waltz in here and pick up a Wii like it was a 6-pack?! Beat it!” is what I wanted to say. What I actually said was, “Yeah. They gave out numbers last night. You can wait if you want, but you probably won’t get one.” Some people stayed anyway. One creepy guy said something about getting knifed for a Wii. I wondered if he was just half-awake and awkward, or if it was a veiled threat.

6:45 rolled around. The Wal-mart lady opened the doors and yelled “ONE THROUGH FOUR”. Phew. This is going to be nice and orderly. Don’t panic, you are getting a Wii. “FIVE THROUGH EIGHT”. Good, good. Everyone crowded forward, eager to get their number called. Luke snapped a few pictures on his new cell phone. This was a historic moment. “EIGHT THROUGH TWELVE”. She came back and yelled for thirteen as well. This is it! “THIRTEEN THROUGH EIGHTEEN”. We all walked calmly into the store. We weren’t exactly sure where to go, but we followed some others towards the electronics department. The Wal-mart lady started yelling at us to come back to the front.

She called my number. I purchased a Wii.

I was so tired I was ready to collapse. Maybe I seem like a wuss, but keep in mind that I don’t normally go this long without sleep. I don’t stay up all night partying and being zany. I have a job. I go to school at night. I have homework to do. I’m an out-of-shape lump who sits at a desk all day. Just humor me here. I was tired, cold, but I was happy.

Luke and I walked carefully out to the parking lot together, Wiis in hand (laugh it up). We had both heard the scare stories about the PS3 launch. To say this Wal-mart wasn’t exactly in Beverly Hills is to say that the ocean isn’t exactly the dryest place. I can’t speak for Luke, but I was a panicky Pete: tired, cold, edgy, and a bit paranoid. I clutched my Wii like the One Ring. But not to worry, we both made it to our cars without even the hint of an incident. Some guys behind us had to settle for rainchecks, but we had our Wiis.

I told myself that I would go home, put the Wii up for later, and just…sleep. I told myself that, but I was lying. I got home around 7:15 or so. I mysteriously got a quick burst of energy! I’ll just set it up, and play a quick game. You know, make sure it works!

I had the placement for it all worked out in advance. There’s a small table underneath my wall mounted flat-screen TV. It’s a perfect place for a Wii, sensor bar, and accessories. I booted it up with no game, just to check out the dashboard, get some firmware updates, create a Wii, check out the virtual console store, enter some setup information, configure the WiFi, read some instructions, calibrate the sensor bar, etc.

I then put in the Wii Sports disc and began playing each game, from top to bottom. I was a bit woozy from being so sleepy, but all the games seemed to play like a dream. I soon figured out the toolbox way to play games, but I also completely understood, at that moment, WHY I would be a toolbox for playing that way. The toolbox playing style isn’t new: you know you played some Duck Hunt with that gun right against the screen. You know you’ve played solitaire before and cheated a little just so you wouldn’t have to start over again. We’ve all done it, but we all know deep down inside that’s it’s contrary to the whole POINT. Anyway. More on that some other day.

Ali woke up right when I had started playing golf. The Wii sports Golf is a very realistic golf sim: I suck at it as much as real golf. She congratulated me on picking up a Wii. I decided to give her the old razzle dazzle. I fired up Wii bowling. I handed her the Wiimote and gave her quick instructions on where the B button is, and told her to swing the Wiimote like a bowling ball and release B to let the ball fly. She rolled the ball one time and watched the pins get knocked over. “Oh, this is awesome.” She did it one more time. “Oh, honey, this is so much fun!” I think she even squealed a little bit.

We played a little more. Some tennis, some baseball. Bowling seems to be the biggest hit. 10am rolled around, still no sleep. Ali calls up her Mom, and sells my GameCrazy preorder to a cousin. I had ordered a system, an extra Wiimote, and a classic controller, so I went down to GameCrazy (which just opened) to see if I could still get my extra Wiimote and controller. I stood in line at GameCrazy while all the lucky “first shipment” guys systematically bought everything they could get their hands on. Zelda. More Zelda. Red Steel. Extra remotes. Points. Jimbo was able to sell me my extra controllers, no problem. Thanks Jimbo.

I played a couple rounds of 2-player Wii Sports with Ali. I was starting to see that Wii Sports alone was not going to hold my interest forever. The game has long-term party game ability, but lacks short term single player interest. At least at a cursory glance–more on that some other day. I was still having a ton of fun. At this point, I was starting to get really really tired from a) not sleeping, b) waving my arms all around the room playing Wii. I layed on the couch with the intention of starting this blog. I fell asleep under cover of a warm laptop and woke up 4-5 hours later seeing Ali still waving her arms around playing bowling and tennis.

My family came up that night to celebrate my father’s birthday. Ali made him a nice cake with that shortening that I bought, and we gave him My Tank is Fight by Zack Parsons as a gift. He and I played a little father-son Wii Baseball. He got me with that split finger EVERY TIME and I lost 1-0. Ali and my sisters played would be $2500 worth of bowling at Columbus Square Bowling Palace.

Everyone went home and I played a little more Wii by myself. I tried out a Gamecube game, memory card, and Wavebird on it. I checked out my Mii plaza which had suddenly balooned in population. I went to bed. After all, I’ve got work tomorrow.

I awoke around 8 the next morning to howls of pain from my wife. She called out for me and I sat up to see what was happening. She stood there with a sad face on, clutching her right arm.

“I can’t move my arm,” she said. Aw, is it sore from all that Wii playing? “Can you drive me to the doctor?” WHAT!? It turns out she was in so much pain that she couldn’t move her arm. I tried moving it around for her and she yelped and cried no matter what direction I moved it in. There’s no way she can safely drive herself around. I took her to an Urgent Care. At this point, I’m racking up the extra dollars I’ve spent on the Wii, controllers, and doctor visit.

She comes out of the hallway with a sling on her arm.

Good lord! I figured it would be a simple sprain or something. “What happened!?” I asked.

“I have tendonitis and muscle spasms,” she says.

“Tendonitis! From playing a Wii!”

Good lord. Still, the Wii is a bargain compared to the PS3:

• Wii: $250
• Extra Wiimote: $40
• Classic controller: $20
• Doctor’s visit: $30
• Prescriptions, Naproxen and Cyclobenzaprine: $10
• Total Wii Bill: $350

Turns out the “Wiinjuries” are rather common:

Things to Watch Out for When Playing With Your Wii

Thus ends my rambling story of Wii adventure. As for a review of the system itself, I think Seth Godin sums things up rather nicely: “Just because it’s not a product for the loudest, most devout fans of gaming doesn’t mean it’s not a brilliant product. It still has a dumb name, though.”